WE NEED A 2011 NEW NAME FOR HOUSEWIFE! NOT STAY AT HOME MOM, MY KID IS 19! Girls lets start a new word & new generation!!! Guys put your opinion in, GIVE US A SEXY NAME, We are tired of the 1950’s HOUSEWIFE TITLE! Maybe I should tweet Trace Adkins, “Hot Mama HouseWife” sounds kind of bold! If you are not familiar with Country Music and Trace Adkins, he is known for his sexy songs promoting sexy women and his videos could be taken as flattery or derogatory. A few years ago Trace Adkins came out with a song called “Hot Mama” and this song and video captures my feelings of a married woman with a child that gets caught in day-to-day life with the child, house duties and the husband. I always remember those days my husband and I had together “alone” before we had a child, they are so special to me and the video shows this and how he still sees this woman as a “Hot Woman.” Here is the video, you decide what you think and how you feel about yourself. Personally, I like them and consider it a compliment, but I am sure some people look at them as degrading!
A woman gives up so much of herself when she has children and becomes a “Housewife” and at some point most women realize this and try to regain that lost youth, the young girl lost to those years gone by. This is the way I feel, Fibromyalgia stole so much from me and my family the past ten years. Just like any other disease would with any other person, but this disease is so different, it is invisible, when we get a shower after a “Flare Up” we look NORMAL! People judge us and talk behind our backs, those people are not our friends, they think we don’t know it, but we do. It happens at work, church, school, in our own families, on Facebook and other social media; we lose friends. What did we really lose? Were they really friends? No, they were not, Love and Friendship is unconditional!
I have a friend on Facebook that I have never meet in person, we connected because I “Liked” her Business Page and she saw my Fibromyalgia Page, we started talking and she is a “Southern Girl” like me, we have started calling our selves “Scarlet O’Hara Soul Sisters” and have talked about blogging together. It is amazing when you drop walls and boundaries how much you have in common with people. Neither of us had anyone to talk to about what we were going through with Fibromyalgia. It is scary how much we have in common and the more we chatted and messaged each other on Facebook we joked around and wondered if we were related, she is in Alabama and I am North Carolina. We know we are not.related, but we share so many similarities and we connected immediately. She is an Artist (a real artist, she has a degree) and I am a pretend artist, I dabble into everything, I and do a little bit of everything. I can’t spell worth a damn, spell check doesn’t recognize my words, I use Google.com to check the spelling of a word, but I can sew, make jewelry, paint, crotchet, mosaics, make candles, etc! I can barely write a sentence and I am blogging, LOL!
Anyway, She sent me a message yesterday, “Hey, girl…I just needed someone to talk to/vent to for a minute and i knew u were the only person who would understand. I’m having a bad flare up today. I’m stuck in bed. I hate this damn disease. And I hate that people don’t understand. They think I’m just supposed to keep pushing myself. Like I don’t push hard enough as it is. Some people are just so selfish. They have no idea how bad this hurts and how it affects your entire body in so many ways. I wish I could show people what it’s like. Anyhoo…i just needed to vent. How have u been, darlin?”
This is my reply to her:
“Girl I hate Fibromyalgia & I hate FB messaging!!!! We need to talk on the phone ~ I just typed 3 paragraphs it poof like bad magic it was gone!!! 2 ~ I am watching a movie with my daughter now but I can talk after 9:45. I have nationwide calling & if you don’t, then I can call you. If you can’t talk tonight or tomorrow, we can chat or send messages. I am thinking the same way. I am so angry at FIBRO & getting ready to blog about it. I can’t even keep up the house work & I am so mad that I can’t do my crafts. I have so many plans. So much going on & I don’t even have all the other stuff you have in your life, girl I don’t know how you do it!! ♥☺♥ We will talk today or tomorrow, we both need each other or we are going to crazier than we are & we can’t hide it but so much!”
The point I am trying to make to young women is don’t do like I did and give up your identity when you become a wife and mother. This is a guilt trip we put on ourselves, the men want the “GIRL” they married! They don’t want the “CHURCH LADY MOM”, most of them already had that,
(they call her, “mama” or “mom”)
I thought I had to give up my “cute, peace-loving, wild side, fun side” to be a good Christian wife and mother with good honest values. This way if you are not a fool and don’t give up your image, if (I pray you don’t) you do get sick, you may lose a lot, but you will not have to worry about losing yourself like I did! Don’t give up yourself and your girlfriends to raise your family! I went for 15 years before I saw one of my best friends, thanks to Facebook we reconnected last year. I have another best friend that I have known since I was 5 years old and we graduated from highschool together. We also lost touch and have recently reconnected with her. Thanks to Facebook I have re-connected with so many old friends and this has helped me heal. Fibromyalgia is a very depressing and guilty disease. I don’t have an excuse for pushing old friends away and pushing that part of my life away, I was just so wrapped into being (the 3 of us) and letting no one in. I think it had something to do with building walls around myself and being hurt growing up in abusive house hold. Let’s face it, none of us grow up in a perfect family! I had finally found a peaceful family life and I wasn’t about to mess it up, but if I had realized then what I know now, I had nothing to worry about when, being married to my husband and the family we had(have) is nothing like the family I grew up in. Ours is an unconditional, loving family! It makes all the difference in the world! He doesn’t understand Fibromyalgia anymore than you or I do, but he loves me and accepts it and me and that is awesome!
After the past ten years of Fibromyalgia stealing my life and once I started feeling better in 2009 it was like I was I had been at rock bottom like a “drunk in a muddy ditch knowing she can’t take another drink or it will kill her and she will lose it all if she doesn’t sober up” and then the drunk lady gets sober and sees the world for the first time through sober clear eyes. The colors were so vivid and bright! I began to see my old self gradually coming out. I was like I was before I got married, the person that my husband fell in love with. The free spirit, ungrounded person, not scared to take chances, talking back southern girl, with one up exception I just don’t party anymore, I was ready to grow up and start a family. I will never forget a few weeks after my accident in 1998, I had been laying around a lot with the heating pad on my many sore muscles and not going to church or anywhere with him and my daughter, “he said, you are not the same, you don’t want to do fun things anymore.” It was like I had walked into a Hornet’s Nest! Sure I wanted to, but when I hurt so bad and I just could not move, the crazy sleeping schedule started, etc! I faked it for ten years and did a pretty good job of it working on and off for the past ten years, raising a daughter, keeping up the house, going to social functions and married to greatest guy in the world! But, old Fibro was lurking around the corner waiting to strike again when my female problems started bothering me and everything went downhill after I had a hysterectomy in February of 2009. In 2010 I was near nervous breakdown and by the end of 2010 I was back to living, thanks to my wonderful pain doctor, Dr. Divya J. Patel.
The guilt is self-inflicted, my husband and daughter have not told me they are mad at me for not doing things, but I am not keeping up with my part of the bargain. I vacuumed today for 5 minutes and had to rest! That is pathetic! This is what I and the other people who have Fibromyalgia need help with, we are not crazy, lazy, etc! What are we supposed to do? I will not give up, but how many damn doctors do we have to go to? There has got to be a doctor that can tell me why I am so exhausted and so tired. There is pain and there is exhaustion and there is a difference, if you don’t feel it, you can’t understand it.
I realize I have jumped from one subject to another, but that is what is in my head at the moment and I had to get it out! I am simply a frustrated housewife that can’t hold up her end of the bargain at this point in my life. My husband works about 60 hours a week. Hard, sweaty, greasy, blue-collar maintenance work. He works hard for or money and we have a house that the bank owns, paycheck to paycheck. My 4Runner and his Toyota 4×4 truck is paid for and the bank owns my daughters Camry. We are I guess what you would call middle class, but we call ourselves in the poor house. I was just appalled when Oprah had no idea people lived paycheck to paycheck and she suppported our President. Yes, we are in the class with most of the Americans, if he looses his job we will lose everything! I am sure we will be ok because both of our parents would help but, then we would be in debt to them! (attached strings and all that stuff) But, it just makes me angry, I can’t Vacuum for 5 minutes, let alone work a full-time job and my husband is working himself like a dog and I can’t keep the house work. I am not talking about dusted, floors moped! I mean, dishes, laundry, bathroom cleaned, clutter! It gets done when it gets done!
If you have a cool, sexy name for housewife, comment or email it to me and I will give you credit. If I like it I will start using it. Don’t worry, I will not copyright it, I can’t afford it 😦
Ok, I am tired of typing! Talk to you later-